


He's Never Really Gone

by sodapip



Category: Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Major Character Injury, Overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodapip/pseuds/sodapip
Summary: Henry didn't take Charles' Death well, no one did. But Henry seemed to take it the hardest, after everything he and the pilot had been through- Losing him, without getting to say goodbye, without getting to thank him, without getting to say how he felt. Because of the way he crashed so hard, Henry fell deep into a pit of longing, cravings, old habits. Old connections gave him a method to numb it all, make it better for him.But when Henry would do anything to see the love of his life again, it lands him in even more pain than when he started.
Relationships: Charles Calvin/Henry Stickmin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 175





	He's Never Really Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This is after the Valiant Hero End, but Ellie is also in the story- Basically, she and Henry were able to escape, but Charles still died.

Everyone struggled to handle the death of Charles Calvin. No one expected it- After all, this probably was one of the least dangerous missions he's been on with Henry and Ellie. Get in, overload the engine, and get out. It was simple, and yet so many things went wrong. Instead of getting in there and overloading the engine, Charles crashed the entire ship into the orbital station, damaging the core. Of course, this gave them more time- but no way to get out. 

Henry screamed himself raw on the way back to Earth. It should've been him- He should've been the one in that station when it exploded, and Charles should be in his place. This _could not be happening._

Henry lost his voice permanently after that. He couldn't even make a sound when he cried at night after visions of the explosion crossed his darkened vision. The funeral was the worst part, for him. He couldn't say goodbye, he couldn't apologize. He couldn't tell the empty casket how he felt. Some nights he'd look up at the stars, and sign towards the brightest one- the one he believed to be Charles. Shining up there with all the other heroes who were gone. But none of how he tried to cope, no matter how many times he thought to himself that he would be okay, he never was. Just over a month passed him by, and the pain had only gotten worse.

That's when everything else got worse, too.

For that time we had been working odd jobs for the government, bounty hunting missions, jobs where he got to be on the field to fight. Jobs that required him to move, and not to think. It kept his mind away from Charles. Everything that happened since then. But at one point, the jobs just... Stopped coming. He talked to General Galeforce, he talked to the other soldiers as to why. The only straight answer he could receive was 'I think you need a break, Stickmin. We all do.'

So he took his break. But in the time he was trying to 'unwind' all that happened was his thoughts getting worse and worse. The nightmares got more and more vivid. Almost every night, he'd call Ellie without a sound, all Ellie would hear was the sound of tears falling onto the screen, and deep, labored breathing. She would usually go visit if that went on for longer than 5 minutes. And he would sit on the floor of his apartment, tears dripping out of his bloodshot eyes, while Ellie hugged him and tried to keep the albino calm. But soon that comfort went away, too, as Ellie was asked to come on a long-term mission with the general and a few newer recruits. 

Leaving Henry all on his own.

So he fell back on the one thing he had left, drinks and old contacts that he got mixed up with, at the beginning of his felonious acts. Drug dealers and alcohol, that's right. He started small, a few beers a night. Quickly he delved into the stronger stuff, vodka, tequila, whiskey. He shotgunned drinks like they were water, and soon he was numb entirely. He couldn't even feel angry anymore. He hardly felt alive. But then Henry felt this scratching in the back of his head, how much he longed and nearly begged himself to feel anything at all. The first night this scratching came, it was small. It was quiet. As more and more nights of blank stares and empty thoughts passed, the scratching and begging got louder, harder to ignore. He found himself having a hard time controlling certain... Urges. And finally, he'd had enough.

There just happened to be pocket knife Charles gave him on a mission chasing after some outlaws just outside the Dogobogo jungle, a month or two before the Toppat Mission. And in just one quick move of the knife that pounding headache go away. But then it came back... So he kept doing it. First, there were 3 cuts. Then seven. Eventually, Henry lost count of how many times the steel dug into his pale skin, he couldn't count how many new cuts were on his body. And suddenly his pale skin was turning red in his vision, and soon it all turned dark. He had fainted from blood loss that night and woke up in the morning with a splitting headache and little recollection of what happened. Lucky him, right?

Wrong.

The feeling came back again that night, and this time the knife wasn't enough for him. So, after about an hour of digging through burner phones, he found an old 'friend' of his- A woman who only was known as Cavern. She was a drug dealer, and she usually had the hardcore stuff. The hallucinogens, LSD, PCP, the like. She was quick and never asked questions, so long as you paid her in full, upfront. The conversation with her was short- She came to him, passed him at least a month's worth of hardcore shit, and left with an extra thousand dollars or so to her name.

Henry didn't think he could go deeper than he already had. But he was wrong. Very, very wrong.

He started with just one tab of acid. He felt like he was _floating._ Charles's voice rang through his ears, and for the whole night, he was content. He laid on the floor of his apartment and signed to the vision of Charles that wasn't really there. Over and over again Henry got to tell Charles how much he loved him, how he cared about him. He got to feel the strong embrace, the comforting warmth, the gentleness. But then the trip was over, and reality was back, and he HATED it. 

So night after night, Henry would shotgun back a beer and throw a tab into his mouth, eager to see Charles again. It didn't take long for one tab to stop working. He needed more, so he started mixing drugs. Take a shot of liquid PCP, wash it down with mushroom tea, and suddenly he was set completely free. He went on like that for weeks, being able to see Charles over and over, and soon he started being high more often than he was sober. But he couldn't stop. He didn't need the drugs, he found. He didn't find himself craving the high or any other feelings the drugs gave him, he just wanted his best friend back, alive and well.

But one night he took it too far. He was drunk, he'd gone through at least 6 doses of PCP. He could hardly see, hardly think straight. Another tab of acid. What is that, 5 so far? He'd never taken this many at once before. He lay limply on his side, a pain shooting through his stomach. He winced. He felt like hell, but in his blurry vision, there Charles was. The pilot knelt down, and Henry could feel his warm palm push into his cheeks. He was here, again. He gave the pilot a week smile, but Charles only looked down at him sadly.

"You look like hell, Henry."

He couldn't sign a response. He just stared at Charles shocked. The pilot moved his hand away, standing up

"You, you look sick... This isn't you, Henry."

Henry could feel the tears in his eyes. Had he really gone so far that he even fucked up with Charles? 

And that's when everything crashed into him. Panic, paranoia, he felt so afraid, so alone. Tears flew out of his eyes like streams. He couldn't see, he could hardly breathe. Shallows breaths rushed through him in milliseconds. And a million thoughts hit him, too.

_'I always mess it up.'  
'This is all my fault.'  
'I should've saved him.'  
'I'm horrible.'  
'It should've been me.'  
_

He could see Charles appear in his vision again. Those soft, dark eyes. His smile. It brought him peace for a moment. He tried to smile through the waves of tears covering his face. Charles placed a hand on his shoulder again, wit ha comforting squeeze.

"You shouldn't be doing this, Henry. You need help. You're dying."

...What?

He suddenly began convulsing, shivers rising up his spines as vomit spilled from his mouth. Not good, definitely not good. He felt Charles rubbing his back. That helped, but just a little. But his vision was getting hard to maintain. Once able to move, he turned and stared at Charles for a moment. The pilot smiled softly at him, before moving to sit at his side. Charles gripped Henry's hand tightly as he sat there, while Henry breathed slowly and struggled to keep his consciousness present.

"You don't need those Henry. I'm not gone, not really. I promise I'll always be with you."

Henry blacked out after that. When he opened his eyes, he was in the military infirmary with Ellie sitting next to his bed. He glanced over to her. She was passed out. An IV drip made soft sounds, and that's when he figured out he had overdosed. Ellie must have saved him.

No, no. _'Charles saved me.'_ He thought. That must be it. He must've been the angel on his shoulder, helping him. 

The sound of passing wind caught his attention, and he looked up to see an opening over the top of his bed. An open skylight, it seemed. And millions of stars dotted the sky. And Henry swore, up and down, that Charles was up there with them. Still protecting him, and Ellie, and everyone else who knew him.

And finally, Henry was at peace with the loss. Because he knew he never really lost Charles- He was still here. In the stars, in the pictures, and memories. He was still here and was never really gone.


End file.
